I tell myself over and over again,
There is more to life than finding someone to love you.
I sit down with my mom, who says
“You deserve better.”
I sit down with my friends, who say
“He’s a piece of shit.”
I sit down alone and repeat it.
They’re just words.
Because then I sit down with him.
And his eyes have a thousand things to say.
He smiles and I forget the word alone.
He walks out and the room is too empty
and there’s a pile of silence on my floor
like dirty laundry I can’t bring myself to pick up.
Say the words until they’re true.
I deserve better.
He’s a piece of shit.
I smile without someone on the receiving end.
But then he’s back, and he’s laughing
and I’m the only person alive in the world.
And I do. I laugh back.
Yes, I hate him.
I hate myself