An old love washed up on my shores,
heart pounding and half-drowned.
When I put my arms around him
he reached up to kiss my neck
and sunk his teeth in instead.
I think I might hate myself
forever because
I bled all over him
and apologized.
An old love washed up on my shores,
heart pounding and half-drowned.
When I put my arms around him
he reached up to kiss my neck
and sunk his teeth in instead.
I think I might hate myself
forever because
I bled all over him
and apologized.
mywordpool 
Nice!
Thank you!
I enjoyed this poem: simple diction, great symbolism, real emotion.
Thanks so much! 🙂 I’m glad you liked it!
Potent words, I agree with Emily, the flow, the symbolism, and the emotion combined really make this poem stand out. Thank you for this.
What nice things to say! 🙂 Thanks for reading!
lessons in compassion
~
sometimes
we’re the victims
of our pure hearts
Such a heartbreaking truth. Thank you.
Oh Gods. Not HIM again. I used to date him before you were born. He hasn’t changed a bit. 😉
Nicely done.
You know HIM, too? I swear it’s only one person, set upon the earth to wreak havoc on the hearts of unsuspecting women.
I’m glad we’re rid of him!
Thanks, Alice 🙂
Same guy. Different time zone the world over. 😉
Since you are such a game and open-minded writer, I would add only one word to make the final line really bring the emotion (self-disgust) home: “and then apologized.”
Oh, make “shores” in your first line singular…a perfect poem. Really has that “unity of effect” Poe was on about.
Your 2, 3, 4 line schema has a build-up of inevitability…one last thing: in line 6, try just “I may hate myself” for concision.
Thank you for this insight!
I hope you realize that you are going to have to curate poems like this (and “Cut”) off your site and into your book!
Do you mean I’ll have to remove them from my blog?
When you publish your best poems and offer them for sale, you will DEFINITELY want to remove them from your blog. Don’t worry though; you have plenty of content to keep us entertained. What I am trying to instill in you is the HABIT of getting paid for your hard work…or at least some of it!
Then thank you for your offer, but I’m afraid I must decline it. This blog is my top priority and I won’t remove anything that I’ve published on it. The goal for me isn’t getting paid, it’s reaching as many readers as possible – and (at the moment) I do that through this website. In the future, I’d like to move into the publishing world, but not quite yet.
I do thank you for your time and insight.
Natalie
FWIW, I prefer “shores” (makes the author sound like a continent), I think “then” in the last line would be superfluous and unnecessary (I would almost NEVER advise someone to ADD anything to a poem–it is almost always better to cutcutcut!)–the self-loathing (if that’s what you want to call it) is plainly evident, and I *think* that the “think” in line six lends an rather delicious element of uncertainty which adds to the poignancy of the poem–one is left wondering that it may yet happen again…
AND…..I firmly believe that you should do whatever the hell you want to with your poetry. The whole “publishing” thing is a monster that chews up thousands of extremely talented people and spit them out as heart-broken laborers. I think that the “goal” of “being published” is a chimera and a dangerous shape-shifter to flirt with, that can lead one to find oneself perhaps being bitten on a beach…. 😉 Beware that lover as well!
I love this quote from Yehuda Amichai (though I can’t say I’m a big fan of him):
“I think when you’re a poet you have to forget you’re a poet — a real poet doesn’t draw attention to the fact he’s a poet. The reason a poet is a poet is to write poems, not to advertise himself as a poet.”
….or I *think* to get published.
Bang! THUMP!!
(that is the sound of me kicking myself off of my soapbox)
Peace–
Did I mention that opinions are like assholes?
Everybody has one and they usually stink.
Mine especially.
Now I’m kicking myself for being so opinionated.
Ah, well.
“I firmly believe that you should do whatever the hell you want to with your poetry.”
Couldn’t agree more. And you said it better than I ever could 😉
This actually made me feel a lot better. I enjoy criticism in other forms of prose (stories, essays) but poetry feels a bit personal. A little too close to my heart to go making changes.
I enjoy having you up on that soapbox! Keep shouting those opinions! The things you say hit home with my inner truths, always.
Natalie
Well, for a number of reasons lately, I have had it up to the figurative “here” with unsolicited opinions/criticisms/advice.
Phrases that begin, “You should…” have a way of instantly getting under my skin and the persons uttering them (if unsolicited) are usually on their way to my shit-list. Figuratively speaking, of course.
😉
Yourself (and a few select others around here) are of course exempt from said list and I welcome feedback from said persons….
What a strange turn of phrase….”said persons”
*shrug*
I’ve had it up the figurative “here” as well.
Poetry is raw. It’s meat. You don’t cook it to suit someone else’s preference – you cook it to your own taste. And I prefer a poem to be the figurative slab of uncooked steak, if I may stretch this unnecessary metaphor a little bit further.
No more of this “you should” nonsense. How about “I’m going to do my own thing, my own way, no matter what you have to say about it.”
Thanks again for saying this 🙂 It means a lot to me. I was scared I was being an ungrateful-for-feedback-snob-writer, but you’ve reminded me it’s okay to not take advice sometimes.
Natalie
Glad to be exempt from the shit list, by the way – although I’m afraid most of my feedback comes in the form of: Wow. This is amazing. Brilliant. Wow 🙂