A stream of consciousness piece
I leave my heart open like a birdcage.
I am not trying to trap anything inside,
I am just tired of living in a world where
people who love each other don’t say
they love each other.
What is it like to not have a body? I want to ask the wind.
Does it hurt being everywhere at once?
My empathy is a drop of honey on the tongue –
it is sweet, but not enough to soothe a throat.
This world is so busy screaming its voice has gone hoarse
and I spend most of my time reading its lips
searching for the pain that is more than verbal.
My thoughts don’t fit neatly into my mind tonight,
or any night. If I take them and scatter them
like birdseed, will it lead you back to my door
which is open, by the way, swinging
and sighing on its hinges?
I don’t have the strength anymore to close it,
or to turn my back to those who knock.
I only want to hold each new face in my hands
and kiss its blushing cheeks, pink and soft
as a newborn child’s skin.
None of us asks to be born.
I imagine my not-yet hands pressing against the walls
of my mother’s womb
and falling through a trap-door into a world that is
not as warm as the human body.
I want to fall in love with someone with a heart like mine.
I want our hearts to speak through our ribcages to each other
and say, “My door is open. I will not close it as long as I live,”
because closing up is painful and wrong.
Ask the flower that, once open, can never retreat back into itself.
Ask the tree that can never take its roots back from the soil.
Like a pact, like a promise, give your heart away
and accept that it will not come back the same.
My fingers, once tangled in your hair,
will never be the same.
Tell yourself this is good, this is natural
and when you offer birdseed, open your palms
because you understand nothing can eat
from a clenched fist.
Why are you hesitant by the door
when it’s ajar
and why does a firefly in a jar
stay when there is no lid?
I have no answers, only this
door, open for the sake of